Thursday, July 31, 2008

I'm so sick of this

I'm SO grateful for all the help I've received during this toe situation, but I'm done giving up my independence. I want to be able to get into the car and go wherever I want, whenever I want. On the way home from work today we passed the APX softball team playing a game. The desire of my heart was to stop to cheer them on but my driver needed to get home and I don't want to inconvenience him more than I already do on a daily basis. My irritation has reached a boiling point and I'm wondering when I'm going to explode/burst into tears.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Congratulations are in order

I was blogging last night and came across 4 posts about babies born to the blog authors. I'm not sure what went on in America that put everyone into labor, but I'm sure glad all these cute babies are here for us to look at. I'll only publicly admit that I read 2 of the blogs (thank you Reader for keeping my stalking a secret), so to baby Maddox and baby Lilian, welcome to the world!

I can walk...and other news

I went to the doctor yesterday and got my stitches out. I was hoping for a more attractive foot post-removal however the stitches were subcutaneous (beneath the skin) so it's still highly unattractive. I was given the go ahead to walk, but only in the boot. It's an upgrade from having to ride in a wheelchair but I sure am excited to be boot free in 4 weeks!

The other exciting news is that I can start bending my toe. Now, it doesn't make sense to me that 2 weeks ago my toe was cut off and now it can be bent but the doctor seems to know what he's talking about so I'm just going with it. I have to bend my toe 10 times a day so if you ask nicely when we're together I may show you my new trick.

Finally, today is Brian Haynie's birthday. Brian is one of my all time favorite APX boys, and unlike most of the guys I work with, we're friends in real life too. Brian married my roommate Sarah so now we're friends for life...not just until the APX fun ends. I have many happy memories involving Brian including mid-summer phone calls to discuss life and goal accomplishment, creating secret pacts about our employment, sharing the basement while he and Sarah were dating which included some near-awkward moments, and many years of working together. Happy birthday Brian, I'm sure glad I get to know you!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

For Heather

If you want to borrow them they're all yours. More views here.

For Alicia

See, I'm not crazy.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Loss

Randy Pausch, of "The Last Lecture" fame, died yesterday. I think I've been holding a little bit of my breath waiting for this to happen knowing that when it did my heart would ache. Randy has been an internet sensation for quite some time due to the moving video on YouTube of his "last lecture" and his best selling book. I saw him on YouTube a long time ago and then recently watched an interview with Diane Sawyer. He taught me a few good lessons and impressed me with his character.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check out his lecture here: http://wms.andrew.cmu.edu/001/pausch.wmv. Your heart will also ache when it's over, but you'll be a better person.

SYTYCD

Seriously America? I think there is something wrong with all of you.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Accomplishments and gratitude

Accomplishments:
- Spend 2 hours in the office
- Turn out I haven't moved any bones that the doctor carefully rearranged.
- Learned there is a pin sticking out of my foot and didn't freak out.

Gratitude:
- For Savvy who brought me the rice pudding I was craving and stayed to talk.
- For Todd who drove me around today...and will for the next 5 weeks.
- For Liv, Scott, Syd and Rob who paid me yet another visit tonight. My house is not kid friendly or near theirs but they always take the time to come over. I love their visits.

The much anticipated post

WARNING: this post contains a gross picture and some information that might make you sick. Please stop reading if you are sensitive to body stories that involve pain. I've posted the gross picture at the bottom of the post so it is not on your screen right now (unless your screen is giant) so don't think you've seen the worst, trust me, you haven't.

This morning I went to the doctor for my first post-operative appointment. While my foot was still bandaged he took an x-ray and my bones look great. They're perfectly in place and look to be healing well. Only gross part of the x-ray was the pin but I knew it would be there so I took it in stride. After the x-ray we discussed the procedure and I discovered that he actually cut my entire toe off during surgery. Ok, the tendons and skin and stuff weren't cut but he went through the entire bone. Yeah, didn't know that's exactly what was going to happen.

After our chat the doctor undid my bandages and I nearly fell out of my chair because there was a giant hook sticking out of my foot. Didn't know that was going to happen either. Doctor and I need to work on communication. For days I've wondered why I had pain just above the incision and now I know - it's because there is a pin in my bone that extends out of my skin. The picture is below, it's quite self-explanatory and if it grosses you out don't say I didn't warn you.

I thought my foot was the nastiest thing ever but the doctor kept calling it beautiful. I think there might be something wrong with his brain but I'm glad that he takes pride in his work. All in all the appointment was a success. I need to keep my foot elevated continuously for another week but I am allowed to go back to work. Hallelujah. He also gave me a prescription for Lortab since the Percocet makes me so nauceous. I haven't taken a Percocet since yesterday morning so I think I'm done with the prescription pain killers but I'm grateful to have a back up plan.

I'm posting the surgery progression pictures to push the gross one to the bottom. Yes, I know some are repeats but they're here to protect to squeamish.

My foot pre-surgery. Never mind the scraggly toe nails - I had just ripped my glitter toes off.
My bandaged foot 3 days after surgery.

My booted foot. Still not sure if this is the fashion statement I want to make but it is what it is.

And the moment you've all been waiting for - the bones removed from my foot!

My very beautiful, surgery ravaged foot. I told you it was bad.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Accomplishments and gratitude

Can you all tell I have a little too much time on my hands? The cabin fever is setting in so thankfully I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning which will discover whether I'm healthy enough to return to work. I'm sure you love my constant ramblings (Tara, thanks for the support) but I hope that starting tomorrow I'll be back to my when I feel like it posting schedule.

Accomplishments:
- I looked like my old self today. I didn't notice this myself, Esther pointed it out - guess I was looking pretty rough for a couple of days. I'm happy for the rest of you that those days are over and I'm grateful none were caught on camera.

-I can now go 11 hour stretches without taking a Percocet. I think I have avoided the possibility of addiction for which I'm grateful. I have an addictive personality but thankfully these bad boys make me so nauseous there is no way I'd want to take them on a regular basis.

Gratitude:
- For the dinner prepared and delivered by Alex, my boss. Most people don't get to work for so decent a human being, I consider myself lucky to know him and incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to learn from him. He makes great chicken parmesan and M&M bars that I haven't stopped craving. Maybe he'll teach me to make those too.

-For the blu ray player purchased, delivered and installed by Robby. I'm so excited to enter the 21st century...now I just need a cooler tv. Maybe that will come with the redecoration of the basement.

- For the continued help provided by the Dondiego clan. This morning I received a very delicious breakfast in bed and this afternoon a great snack in bed. The next time I'm confined to bed I'm going to fly Mary's sister Elizabeth in to take care of me. I don't think I've met a more attentive person - and I just met her on Friday!

Great Rx website

I stumbled upon http://www.rxlist.com/ while looking online for Percocet side effects (I was sweating like nobody's business) and found it to be the most helpful website of its kind. It has a ton of information for every medication and while I'm not a believer in taking medical advice from the world wide web, it gave me enough background on Percocet to ask my doctor questions that made me comfortable with the drug. Turns out excessive sweating is a side effect associated with Percocet so I'm normal...just a little moist.

Step Up 2

Back in February I posted about Step Up 2 and told everyone to go see it. If you didn't, or if you did and loved it, it's out on video so you should rent it this week. Then tell me what you thought.

What do you think?

I'm looking for a sofa for our basement. I don't want a sectional, I prefer clean lines and don't want anything overstuffed. I would like it to be leather (color is flexible), and have a high back. Here are a few that I've found that are along the lines of what I'm looking for.

RCWilley

Futura Sofa

Crate and Barrel

Hennessy Leather Sofa

Axis Leather Sofa

Pottery Barn

Arlington Leather Sofa
Addin Leather Sofa

Do you like one sofa more than the others? Besides the stores listed I've also tried West Elm and CB2 - any other ideas on stores to try?

Yesterday's accomplishments and gratitude

Accomplishments:
- I put pressure on my foot 10 times in order to take "steps." Don't get excited for me, this was against doctor's orders. Jack already chastised me, I don't need anyone else to, but despite breaking rules big time, I am proud of myself.
- I left the house. I went with Mary to pick up the APX boat and even though I stayed in the car the entire time and got super nauseous when we were almost home I was grateful for the outing.

Gratitude:
- For John and Kara who not only brought dinner but also stayed to chat.
- For Liv, Scott, Syd, Rob, Mike, Heather and Astro who stopped by on their way back from Llama Fest just to say hi.
- For Jack who reminded me that even though I may feel good enough to put pressure on my foot, I don't want to go through this experience again so I need to take better care of my body.
- For the Dondiego family who constantly makes sure that I'm ok - from offering to help me get around, to making me food, to including me in family movie night they have been awesome.
- For Tiff who personally delivered crutches to my house. I appreciated the visit and my body is beyond excited to not have to hop and crawl anymore.

Something to look forward to

Some of you may consider this sick and wrong, but whenever I have something removed from my body through any means involving a scalpel I like to see what's taken out. When it came time for the foot surgery I politely requested to see the bone pieces they removed. Being the accomodating people that they are, the nurses had my bones waiting next to me when I awoke. I still don't have a camera cord because I can't stand up long enough to look for mine, but when I do I will post a picture of my bones. I will do this primarily because I think they're cool but also because it seems rude not to share a part of me that no matter how close we are, you'll more than likely never get a chance to see otherwise.

You're welcome.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Accomplishments and gratitude

Accomplishments:
- I took every single Percocet late today. About half an hour after the scheduled dose I start to hurt but this must mean I'm on the path to good health.
- I used my foot to balance every time I stood up. No pressure, just let it touch the floor, but still exciting.
- I spent more time out of bed than in.

Gratitude:
-Grateful to Rachel, Greg and Danielle for the visit and the blizzard from DQ. It was great to talk about work. I've missed you folks.
-Grateful to Malea for dinner and the hours of conversation. A home cooked meal hit the spot and it was really nice to catch up. Send me Dr. Remington's phone number, stat.
- Grateful to Tara for finally getting cell phone coverage at Lake Powell. It's about freaking time.
- Grateful for a toe that didn't throb except for a couple of times when I abused it. I think I'm healing.
- Grateful to Tiffany for emailing me to offer to bring me crutches. I'm picking them up from her and the Joj tomorrow and my knees couldn't be more excited.

Pictures of the surgery foot

I lost my camera cord and my card reader so I haven't been able to get pictures off my camera and thus haven't posted pictures of the surgery foot. I just realized it's the 21st century so I can post pictures from my phone. So in case you've been wondering what my surgery foot looks like, here's a little fashion show.

My bandaged foot...
My booted foot...

Google Reader

Folks who read my blog using google reader have all kinds of issues - some can't see the pictures and others can't see the entire post. I've checked my settings and can't see what could be causing the issues. Any ideas?

I know how it appears but I promise I don't deserve the title

About a week ago I googled my blog address just for fun and this is what came up:I clicked on it and what I found was a list of vain blogs. Mine was number 10 on the list so it wasn't vain enough to get user ratings but I was still taken aback - my blog is the 10th most vain on the internet? Seriously? When I went back today blogged had taken the page down (if you're curious you can look at the cached version) but I'm still shocked.

I'm high maintenance in life but what I present on my blog is not all there is to me. Due to the nature of my job I don't know who is googling me and therefore searching out more information than they deserve about my life. I don't want employees that don't know me in real life and customers having access to very personal information therefore I don't provide it. If that makes me vain, so be it, but it just seems weird that by presenting a small portion of my life makes me the 10th most vain blog on the world wide web.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The day's accomplishments and a little more gratitude

Since bed rest seems to make me gush more than usual, I thought a little more gratitude, plus a few accomplishments, were perfect to end the evening.

What I accomplished today:

- I can put the surgery foot on the floor without gasping in pain. I can apply no pressure but it's progress to even be able to put it down.

- I worked for a couple hours and think I sent entirely coherent emails. I was a little worried about being loopy when working but I'm pretty sure things went well.

- I took a shower! This is by far the most exciting thing to happen today. Es and Liv came over and sat in my bed with me tonight and as they left I announced that I was planning on showering once they were gone. Being the good friends that they are they were concerned with my safety and Esther suggested I use an exercise ball in the shower rather than balancing on one foot or sitting. Sheer genius, Es. Since my shower is the square, stand up only kind the ball couldn't roll and was just the right height so I could perch the surgery foot on the toilet (the bathroom is VERY small). I learned a few helpful hints that I'll use when exercise showering in the future, but all in all my first shower since Tuesday was AWESOME.

My gratitude list for the day:

-Liv - she visited me twice, did my laundry, brought me lunch and even talked to me on the phone while she drove to my house.

- Esther - she brought me dessert, made me laugh as we sat in bed and talked about nothing and everything, and took my debit card with her when she left so she can run my errands in the morning.

- Mary - she made me dinner and sat and talked with me while we ate. I've been missing the office so a good dose of her work drama helped fulfill me.

- My boot - he's starting to feel like a security blanket. I missed him while I showered and he felt so comfy when I put him on afterwards. I'm paranoid about my bones shifting and he seems to do a good job protecting them.

- My mom - her periodic calls throughout the day help relieve the monotony of spending the day in bed.

- Scott - Mary and I have been unable to get our internet to work consistently since we moved in and while we complain about it frequently we haven't done much to get it fixed. Scott came over last night and did his thing and it has been working like a charm ever since. Thanks to his handy work I was able to work and blog ALL DAY without getting kicked offline once. It's a miracle.

- Jack - his frequent check in phone calls followed by nearly calling the police when I don't answer are reassuring. It's always nice to know someone is watching and worried enough to act.

- The texts, calls and emails from nice people just checking in on me. It's always feels good to know folks care about you.

- And finally, I'm grateful for the exercise ball that allowed me to shower comfortably this evening.

My new Nalgene

Isn't she cute? She's even BPA free. You can buy one here.

A cheaper option

When the cleaning ladies came this morning my concealer brush disappeared. I'm sure it just got knocked out of the cup I keep my brushes in and is rolling around on the floor but since I can't get down low enough to check I'm just counting it as MIA for the time being. I usually use this MAC concealer brush

for covering my imperfections but when I found myself in a bind I used a cheap lipstick brush that I either got at Target or in a MAC brush set (read: not high quality) a couple of years ago.

*This is not my brush but the best picture I could find online

I've been converted! The shorter more tightly packed bristles made for faster, easier application and blending required less product. So there's your beauty tip for the day and my post for the early afternoon.

Pain, Percocet and Gratitude

I had foot surgery on Tuesday morning and have been bedridden ever since. I knew this would hurt but wasn't aware of how much pain I would be in - the constant throbbing and aching is really bad. I can't get out of bed because having my foot lower than my heart makes it hurt so bad I can't breathe yet I'm supposed to be drinking a lot of liquids to help me heal. A foot that feels like it's on fire, bones that I could swear are shifting in my foot, waiting to go to the bathroom until I'm dancing in bed, and then hopping the 7 feet from my bed to the toilet is a really, really bad combination.

I'm on Percocet which yesterday I believed did nothing but today I'm beginning to think may be a legitimate drug (albeit a mean one that makes me nauseous). My life is now lived around my pill-taking schedule which I think is a function of not having any other scheduled activities and an obsession with staying ahead of the pain that has brought me to tears 4 times. About 45 minutes before I can take a pill I feel the pain begin to increase...I usually give in to it 10 minutes before I'm supposed to. Half an hour after I take the pill I get drowsy but I'm getting better at staying awake through it. Once the drowsiness passes I get hot and clammy and nauseous - this is by far the worst part of the cycle. Once the nauseousness passes I have about 2 hours of dull pain which allows me to relax, work, blog, etc.

I can't put any pressure on any part of my foot without searing pain so I've become an expert at hopping and crawling. The downside to this is that both are terribly embarrassing to do in front of anyone and my knees are not padded enough for crawling to be used as a primary means of transportation. The upside is that my left thigh gets an awesome workout any time I hop. I've been pushing muscles to the max that I didn't even know I had so I've struggled with collapsing any time I try to do anything but thankfully our house has enough things to hold onto that I haven't had an major accidents.

I should only be in this level of pain until tomorrow, the doctor says after today every day will get a little better. Hallelujah. I will be on bed rest until Monday at the earliest however depending on how I'm healing I may be in bed all of next week as well.

This morning our cleaning ladies were kind enough to visit with me a little bit as they worked around me (awkward, yes, but it's really lonely being home all day by yourself and being so unshowered and unsightly that you know no one should see you) and we had a good talk about what I've learned from this experience so, in no particular order, the lthings I'm especially grateful for today:

1) I'm grateful for a body that is able to heal from surgery.
2) I'm grateful for modern medicine that may have caused some intense short term pain but will prevent a lifetime of daily foot pain.
3) I'm grateful for prescription drugs that help me be as comfortable as possible.
4) I'm grateful for the kind staff at the surgery center who were so attentive as I struggled coming out of anesthesia. If I knew the name of my nurse I'd send her flowers.
5) I'm grateful for friends who have been my rock from the very start of this process. I'm crying as a I type because the love I've felt has humbled me...from their willingness to meet any basic physical need, to daily visits, to phone call check ins, to listening to me cry because I hurt so badly, to taking care of things before I even know they need to be taken care of, to bringing me meals, to making me promise to call in the middle of the night if I need help I have been reminded just how blessed I am. My thanks especially to Liv, Esther, Mary and Jack for going above and beyond.
6) I'm grateful for the life experiences that have made my friends so empathetic. 2 nights ago Esther and Liv brought me dinner and not 10 minutes into them being in my house I was throwing up. As an adult I've never thrown up in front of anyone so I was quite embarrassed that I couldn't get myself under control. Liv instantly jumped up and held the bowl for me and Esther was right there being supportive and reminding me that I did not need to apologize. How I got lucky enough to have friends who are able to get up close and personal with my vomit without flinching I'm not sure, but I'm profoundly grateful for the hard life lessons they learned that I am benefiting from.
7) I'm grateful for my bed. I've spent a ridiculous amount of time in here and I'm still excited every time I climb in.
8) I'm grateful for my job. Not only did APX send beautiful get well flowers, I've gotten countless calls and texts from co-workers all wishing me well. I have the best team of managers I could ever hope for and just their ability to get their jobs done without me there (and barely responding to emails) has been a major blessing. Couple that with their check ins, and offers to help with anything I need, I can't believe how lucky I am to know each of them.
9) I'm grateful for cracker nuts. These Filipino treats are the only thing I've craved since surgery. Good thing I just got back from Seattle where I bought 3 bags.

I think this is the longest post of my blogging life and Liv is headed to my house with lunch so I'm off to make myself as presentable as possible. I'll be in bed for a while so get excited for some good posts coming soon.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Seattle fun

I'm in Seattle for Stephanie's bridal shower. Alicia picked me up last night and we headed to Dick's for my all time favorite treat - maple nut ice cream. Then we went to the house of her lover, James. For those of you that have been worried about this boy, or considered hiring a private i to figure him out, calm down. He is just as great as you would hope and they make a lovely pair. I whole heartedly vote for him. If my seal of approval isn't enough, email me with questions.

This morning we went to the water park with the kids Alicia watches and then headed to Seattle. We ate the fish tacos Alicia loves and they were ultra delicious.

Then we went on a tour of the Puget Sound by boat. It was great but I got quite a burn (more pictures later of the ever improving farmers tan on my arms...).

Finally, we went to 7-11 for free slurpees (it's 7/11).

While we were there we made friends with Travis and Brian and told them we'd make them celebrities on the world wide web. It was the most Skyviewesque moment I've had in a really long time.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Explanation

Just got back from the podiatrist, turns out there is something wrong with me (4 months of pain and finally I know what it is).

There are 2 sesamoid bones on the bottom of each foot. My podiatrist (Dr. Mullinax in Provo, if you need a great one) said that they are like a knee cap. They keep the tendons in the toe lined up and doing their job (what that is I don't really know).
A healthy set of sesamoids look like this (not my x-ray, I stole it from the world wide web). Note that you can barely see them because they are underneath the joint of the big toe.

My sesamoids look more like this (again, not my x-ray). Note that they're shifted to the side. An x-ray can look like this because of the angle that it's taken from but in my case it's because I have a problem.

When I dropped the treadmill arm on my foot my sesamoids got knocked out of place. This caused the tendons running in and out of them to move which caused my toe to be moved slightly horizontal which caused a bunion to begin to grow. And the bunion is what hurts.

And what do we do about sesamoids that got moved out of place? We don't take it easy, a little iboprofen and elevate my foot. Nope, we go under the knife. Yes, that's right. This small problem that was created by being too stubborn to get help will lead to pins in my foot, a week of bedrest and 6 weeks in one of these.


Moral of the story? Really, really it does take 2.

My toe STILL hurts

Remember when I told you my toe looked like this? Well, it still does and it still hurts. I'm leaving the office to go to the podiatrist in 1 hour and 15 minutes.